Well, I did it. Last night, around 11:30 pm, I situated myself in front of that TV and waded through the rest of Deadwood. I've got to say, the hype is much deserved. If you haven't yet, run out and buy this set today. I know the price is steep, but you wont be sorry.

As soon as it was over, and Timothy Olyphant had permanently solidified a spot in my "most-favorite-actors-of-all-time" list (which rests deep inside my heart), I ventured forth and finished off South Park Season 5. One of my favorites of the series, thus far. It, too, is worthy of your precious wallet vomit.

Sadly, hauling through a box set in its entirety leaves little time for anything else. I was unable to watch the other fifteen hundred discs currently littering the floor in front of my tiny television. Someday, soon, I will watch them all. I swear to God!

But that nonsense needs to be saved for a later date. Right now, I want to share with you some of these DVD-related emails I received earlier today. Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Just you wait until you hear this…

March 1stThe Inside

Here, we've got a psychological thriller in the style of "Memento" and "The Butterfly Effect." The film stars that Witherspoon-f*cker Ryan Phillippe ("Gosford Park," "Cruel Intentions") and the super-hot, yet obtainable, Sarah Polley ("Dawn of the Dead," "Go"). In this suspense-laden film, a young man (Phillippe) awakens in the hospital after surviving a near-fatal car accident. With no memory of his last two years of life, he learns that his brother was killed, he married a woman he doesn't remember, and he has strange visions of the woman he loved. He must decide who to trust and who is dangerous as he unravels the mystery behind his brother's death, and his own role on the fateful night it happened. (Oooh-Spooky!)


Also on March 1st comes NIRVANA, a film that obviously has nothing to do with Kurt Cobain or the Foo Fighters. It's actually a dark futuristic thriller about a video game run amok. Christopher Lambert (Tarzan the Ape Man) stars as a video game programmer who creates aggressive characters that become all too real. The film played the prestigious Cannes Film Festival and is the recipient of several film awards in Europe. So you better check it out. Pronto.

In the Weeds

IN THE WEEDS also arrives on this date. In one New York Bistro, there's fun and romance on the menu! And weeds, too, I guess. I hear you can make a pretty mean salad out of dandelions (which are technically a weed). This sexy comedy stars Joshua Leonard ("The Blair Witch Project"), Bridget Moynahan ("The Recruit," "Coyote Ugly"), Molly Ringwald ("Teaching Mrs. Tingle," "The Breakfast Club"), Ellen Pompeo ("Catch Me If You Can," "Old School") and Eric Bogosian ("Igby Goes Down"). In the Weeds is a stylish look at the highs and lows of one cool New York City restaurant. Everyone knows that the waiters and waitresses at a busy big city bistro are really just aspiring actors, models, and writers looking for a shot at stardom. During a single night, while dealing with obnoxious customers, cranky chefs, and a hotheaded owner, some will get their big break and others will break down. Only time will tell whether the colorful crew can keep it together through the night without losing their jobs! Sounds like a keeper!

NFL Super Bowl XXXIX Champions

Football fans will have the DVD release of NFL SUPER BOWL XXXIX CHAMPIONS to look forward too on the 1st. There's nothing like a Super Bowl Repeat…Or is it Threepeat? F*ck if I know; and I'll probably get sued just for using that term. This disc gives fans a comprehensive look at The New England Patriots' road to glory. These 2004-2005 World Champions are considered to be on of the greatest franchises in the history of the NFL. The exciting DVD allows fans to relive the incredible journey made by a team that has seen more championship seasons than any other team in sports history this century (but we've got a long way to go, so don't toot too many horns, there, New England). NFL Super Bowl XXXIX Champions will retail at roughly $24.98. It contains 3 hours of non-stop, action-packed footage, culminating with the Patriot's nail-biting 24-21 defeat over the Eagles at this year's Super Bowl. Special features include the Paul McCartney Half-time Show, The World Broadcast, a Media Day Featurette, and something called Post-Game Sounds. Personally, I think the Eagles should have won. And I'm going to be shunning this sucker.

March 8thBaby Monet

Huh? What? Oh, it's an educational tape for infants. I get it. Here's what the press release says, "As spring approaches, The Baby Einstein Company encourages parents and little ones to explore the changing of seasons with the debut of its 17th video title, Baby Monet - Discovering the Seasons. Artistic masterpieces, classical music and time elapse photography takes babies and parents on a delightful journey of all four seasons. Baby Monet - Discovering the Seasons is the newest addition to the award-winning collection of Baby Einstein videos and will be available nationwide on March 8." Man, I wish I had a baby. I'd like to go on a quick, delightful journey through the seasons. Alas, I'm stuck here. At the bottom of this lonely cold ditch. No seasons for me...

March 15thThe Gospel of John

Oh, no, not another religious film! This "powerful" tablature focuses on the tumultuous era of Jesus Christ that changed the course of history forever. It has been called an "unparalleled motion picture in the spirit of The Passion of the Christ." THE GOSPEL OF JOHN is a bold and sweeping cinematic epic of courage and compassion. This widely acclaimed motion picture is narrated by Golden Globe®-nominee Christopher Plummer ("National Treasure"). The two-disc DVD set contains both the original theatrical version of the film along with an exclusive never-before-seen two-hour version. Extras include a cast and filmmakers' Featurette, interactive map of The Holy Land, historical background into the film's tumultuous time period, and a production Featurette on the making of The Gospel of John. Make sure to cross yourself when picking this up in the Best Buy. And do it with Holy Water, or it won't count towards your purchase.

March 29thHu$tle

This is an ESPN original that was numbly advertised during its televised run. The film stars Tom Sizemore ("Paparazzi," "Black Hawk Down," "Saving Private Ryan") as baseball all-star player and manager Pete Rose. HU$TLE offers a look at Rose's much-publicized struggles with gambling, both on and off the baseball diamond. The DVD features a full line-up of bonus features, including real-life interviews with Rose, Baseball commissioner A. Bartlett Gamete, reputed Rose associate Tommy Gioiosa, investigator John Dowd, and more.

April 26th{@IMG:Z8ps4dEZAXAWeCeKaNiOhjfUFhcLcm|Movie [email protected]}

Survivor: The Austrailian Outback

Man, I don't want to re-watch an entire season of Survivor. Frankly, I tuned out after the first season run. It was just too hard to keep up and care. I guess it has its hardcore fans, but if you already know who won, what's the use? This 2nd year was the most popular by far, and the most-watched. The six-disc set will be presented in full frame, with English Dolby Digital Stereo tracks. Extras include audio commentaries on various episodes (201, 202, 205, 206, 211, 213) by various castaways and Jeff Probst, a "Surviving the Australian Outback" Featurette, a "Luxury Items" Featurette, a "Dining: Survivor Style" Featurette and a "Keith Famie's Paella" Featurette. If you forget about its release, don't sweat it. It's just not worth the trouble.

{@IMG:KTSX4ZltWNcUmjBlg1iwxyyEu0rDm1|Movie [email protected]}

Wildboyz: The Second Season

MTV is also releasing two of its more popular reality programs on the 26th. First up is the second season of WILDBOYZ. I like this one. Jackass stars Steve-O and Chris Pontius travel to exotic locales around the world as they attempt to embrace local customs, native inhabitants, and the indigenous animal species. The two-disc set will be priced at around $29.99. Each of the episodes will be presented in full frame, with English Dolby Digital Stereo tracks. Included are a commentary featuring Steve-O, Chris Pontius, Johnny Knoxville, Wee-man and co-creators Dimitry Elyashkevich and Jeff Tremaine, never-before-seen bonus segments, outtakes and bloopers, a behind-the-scenes Featurette, another "bite list," a photo gallery, a Wildboyz encyclopedia, a trivia game and Easter eggs.

{@IMG:1iNZa1bAbN1K5orgnaokXR6b33Gjs2|Movie [email protected]}

Viva La Bam: Seasons 2 & 3

That other jackass, Bam Margera, also returns with season two of his hit show VIVA LA BAMM. Guess what? Season 3 is also included in this set. Bonus! Each episode will be presented in full frame, with English Dolby Digital Stereo tracks. Extras include forty deleted scenes, some "Random Ass" Moments, two music videos, a behind the scenes Featurette, a photo gallery and 'lots of Easter eggs'.

{@IMG:vmE5xr7hwvINSSbdP3k16nIqPKXj5j|Movie [email protected]}


If reality TV shows aren't your thing, there's also a movie coming out on the 26th. Yes, it's THE DARKNESS. I wish this were a feature-length film about Justin and his bandmates fighting a giant space crab, but sadly, its not. It some lame horror offshoot that sat on a shelf for a good two years before its theatrical release. The film stars Anna Paquin, Lena Olin, Iain Glen, Giancarlo Giannini and Fele Martinez. It tells the story of a family whose lives change forever when they move into a new home with an ancient secret! Both rated and Unrated editions will be made available, though separately. They cost about $30 bucks apiece. Dimension hasn't told us what special features to expect yet, but I suspect you don't really care. Do you?

May 24th{@IMG:dSNvpiecb6ooWrJYy7GZWqWfvf26Vs|Movie [email protected]}

Samarai Jack: Season 2

The last announcement for today is a pretty cool one. At least I think so. I've been waiting for this set to come out forever. It's SAMURAI JACK SEASON 2. I absolutely love this cartoon. And it's arriving in the wake of Episode III, so it will work perfectly in prolonging that much sought-after buzz. This two-disc set will be priced at $29.98. Each episode will be presented in 1.33:1 full frame, with English, French and Spanish Dolby 2.0 Stereo Surround tracks. English, French and Spanish subtitles are also available. No word on what special features to expect, but will keep you posted. That's the movieweb promise.

All right, that's it for you fools. Movieweb is off to enjoy the weekend. And get an oil change at Wal*Mart (because those bastards put that little green valve on there that the other guys wont touch). If everything pans out, we'll be back on Sunday. Until then, have a double shot of whiskey for me, and remember, "If I aint givin' it to ya, you shouldn't be getting' it!"

Sincerely, Movieweb...