"I resolve to lose 10 pounds, and then gain it back by Valentine's Day."

"I resolve to finally learn how to make pancakes that don't stick to the pan. Bart helped me come up with that one."

"In 2007, I promise not to keep using the same old jokes I've been telling since 1961."

"In the coming year, I resolve to learn how to work the safety on my gun."

"In 2007, I resolve to boldly go where I have never gone before - out on a date with a woman."

"I resolve to quit drinking ... coffee. It leaves less room for beer."

"I resolve to be pious and kind and gentle and ... yippee, skippee I already am! Happy 2007, everybody!"