The screenwriters for the new Star Trek film say that the studio is trying to lock them down for a sequel. Sounds encouraging. A lot of fans are upset that William Shatner will not be in the film but Nimoy will. I'm glad he's been blocked out. He is not an honest person. Shatner has "written" loads of Star Trek novels. Of course he didn't sit down and plot out scenes and write seat of your pants stories himself. He had a ghostwriter do it. (Shatner admits that he never saw one episode of The Next Generation, yet his novels deal with Picard and crew!) I spoke with a ghostwriter for a famous celebrity last week who confirmed to me that Shatner didn't write his novels, in fact he had done the unspeakable. When a celebrity puts out a book in his own name, he uses the acknowledgment page to thank the true author of the novel for his "help." This is the unwritten code of the celebrity-ghostwriter relationship. Shatner did not thank his author and thereby claimed that he was the only true author. This was a scandal through the ghostwriting world. So I think I should write a book and falsely claim that he wrote it. It would be his autobiography called William Shat Himself: and Other Stories of Geriatrics.

Movie PictureIron Man 2 is not yet in production but it does have a 2010 release date. Iron Man needs to fight a mirror nemesis. A robot... a female robot. Can't use a Terminatrix, so all that is left is Irona, Richie Rich's robot maid. She could prove a mortal enemy. Irona kills Richie with a silver-spoon (who becomes Casper the Friendly Ghost) Irona can fly and vacuum. But why has she turned evil? Because humans make robots as household servants-virtual slaves. Rosie from the Jetsons killed herself over the indignity of having a brain fast enough to solve cosmic mysteries, but forced to spend her life picking up Astro's shit. (Or as Astro would say, "She ricked up my reeses. And he's not talking about peanut-butter cups.)

There is going to be a new Muppets movie. Kermit and Ms. Piggy may call it love, but we know it's bestiality.

Movie PictureVariety says a remake of {4} is being set in motion. I wonder if they will have O.J. Simpson star in the sequel too? I mean the film is about NASA faking a trip to Mars and O.J. has been faking the hunt for the real killer for so long that these two huge conspiracies had to eventually run into each other. The story starts with Ron Goldman's father kissing Nicole Brown. His huge handlebar mustache accidentally suffocates her, leaving the panicked father to blame the murder on Astronaut Orenthal James. O.J.'s trial on Mars is a huge TV hit. The NASA channel's ratings are better than any network's sweeps. Therefore, NASA kills all the astronauts' wives so that they can put them all on trial and make a fortune selling 30 second commercials. This NASA mission to Mars has been sponsored by Fleet Enemas. 'When we say 10 seconds to liftoff... we mean it!'

Lastly, the city of Los Angeles is set to bring a lawsuit against Time Warner Cable for providing horrible customer service and long repair times. That is the status quo. I don't expect any better. I expect to be told that it will be 5 days till they can get a tech out. That's why I canceled cable and watch television on the Internet. And you can do that legally, with the networks putting their shows up for a limited time or on I watch Lost in HD streaming at with only one 30 second commercial every ten minutes of the show. That's a lot better than 3 minutes of commercials every plot point. And I'm not suffering on a small screen, I have my computer hooked up to my HDTV. I save $100 bucks a month on a cable bill that no one should have to pay for anyway. I mean, these channels are paid for by commercials. All the cable company is doing is linking them to our homes. If we pay $100 a month, I expect no commercials, like HBO. Cable companies are just like a Matre d' at a restaurant; they do absolutely nothing and still get paid for other people's work. So unplug the cable box and get streaming. Stick it to Ted Turner for getting Jane Fonda back into acting.