The Laundry Warrior is a fantasy action feature starring Korean superstar Jang Dong-gun, Geoffrey Rush, Kate Bosworth, and directed by first time Korean director Lee Sngmoo. I can see the movie poster now, "The action will to take you to the 'dry cleaners' with ninja-action starch and a full body 'press' to the evil General Tso."
I'm sorry but if I tried to come up with the most offensive movie title for a bunch of Koreans, The Laundry Warrior would be it. Either that or L.A. Liquor Store. During the L.A. Riots those guys had Uzis. Now that's an action movie. Horrible Film titles like these make me think the KKK is in charge of Hollywood. What if the KKK remade Minority Report?
INT. HORSE STABLE - DAY
Klansman [Center this and dialog]
This week's minority report says that most
minorities would prefer a "40" to a 40 hour
work week. Also, Asians love dry cleaning
more than they love peeing in your coke.
We just found out that Gays like rainbows
because of the "fruity" Skittles in them.
Lastly, Illegal Immigrants are scared to hang out
at Home Depot for a job because they think
it reads "Home Deport."--I'm sorry I can't
distribute copies of this report to all the
members, because most of you can't read.
So it looks like we're facing an onslaught of South Korean talent. It won't be long until we get North Korean films. Buddy action flicks with Chris Tucker called Kim Jong Ill'in. The Koreans have already proved their strength in comedy-just witness the 16 million tons of fake poo produced each year. The North Koreans love fantasy films like You've Got Freedom of Speech. They made a political thriller where Kim Jong gets reelected with only 149% of the popular vote and they try to hunt down the one unpatriotic person who chose to vote for a M*A*S*H* reunion special.
The A-Team has a summer 2009 release date. It's strange to me that John Singleton is directing this. Better known for his heated racial episodes like Higher Learning and Boyz in The Hood, I can only assume Singleton wasn't happy with the original series portraying a strong Black man as deathly afraid of flying. In this remake, the Whites have all the phobias. Hannibal is afraid of cheap cigars, Faceman is afraid of disfigurement, and Murdock is afraid of being typecast like all of the original actors who never received an acting role again.
According to Screen Daily News, Rambo 5 is rumored to start shooting soon. I dig that the geriatric generation is not going to miss out on action flicks. Rambo will travel to over three continents to battle his incontinence. The plot is said to deal with his previously unknown teenage daughter. I guess First Blood now refers to discussions about your changing body.
Ricky Gervais, the comedy hero who wrote BBC's The Office and Extras, is shooting an American movie that he co-wrote called This Side of the Truth. It is about an alternate reality where no one has ever told a lie and he is the first to do so for personal gain. Ricky's setup sounds like a good movie, but it does look just like the reverse of Liar Liar. If I had to tell the truth all the time, I'd have to admit that my Gmail password is TeddyRuxpin4ever.
According to Variety, the film Minimum Wage involves a corrupt corporate exec convicted of fraud who is sentenced to living a year on minimum wage in the town his company bankrupted. Finally a film that's willing to put its money where its mouth is-a film that will only charge $2.50 a ticket to help out the lower class... I'm sorry, I'm being told the studio will be charging full fare while paying its crew guild minimums, oh well, there is a film that wants to change prices and that is:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows The L.A. Times reported that Warner Bros. will turn the adaptation of the final book into two movies. They assure us that this is to respect the book, and not to make twice the amount of money. And if they told us that they needed to charge $18 a ticket to respect the brave ticket-rippers who risk carpal tunnel syndrome, we'd believe that too.