We all think that Batman fights to protect the innocent and the downtrodden, but does he really? And does that make him a Democrat or a Republican?
I have concluded that he is a Republican and I recommend that Mr. Wayne be charged with hate crimes. Consider the following facts:
Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in America. He fights what he likes to call "crime." What we found is that 95% of his attacks were on those who are poor. He therefore, is a billionaire who beats up the lower class. He is literally bringing class warfare to our streets every day. You'd think the government could protect the poor from being attacked by some trust-funded vigilante who gets his kicks beating up welfare recipients. But to the Contrary, Wayne Enterprises has been given No-Bid Contracts by the government.
Batman's victims are usually unemployed and forced into a life of crime to survive. Mr. Wayne never had to work a day in his life and yet his victims would do anything for a good paying job and a second chance. We found that most of his attacks were on minorities with 65% falling on African-Americans. Does a man in a hood imposing justice on Blacks, sound familiar?
Those who defend Batman, say that he fights crime wherever he finds it. That is not true. Batman is soft on white-collar crime. Name one CEO that has been bataranged, ever. How many windows has he smashed through to catch insider trading?
Batman is the Conservative Caped Crusader. He is the GOP ideal of a man pushed too far by taxes; a man sick of supporting the poor; a man who wants to feel their bloody teeth in his fist.
Batman also attacks the mentally ill. Two-Face can't help that he's Bi-polar. Yet, Batman, continually uses violence against those who escape from Arkham Asylum.
When it comes to worker's rights, Batman is against Unions. He opted out of the Justice League and abstained from taking sides in the SECRET WARS.
W.E. has outsourced our Superheroes to India. Superman-protecting the Taj Mahal. Wonder Woman-protecting the chastity of their women. Wonder Twins-in the form of Elephant God and Sacred Waters.
Yes Batman has a utility belt with fantastic weapons. Too bad he sold their blueprints to Communist China. Expect cheap Nerve Toxin on Wal-Mart's shelves this Christmas.
Fuck the Hummer, do you know how much gas the Batmobile uses per hour?
All these charges are now being handed to a Grand Jury. May Judge Joker seek justice.
Dont't forget to also check out: The Dark Knight