Welcome to your weekly movie horoscope with Madame Millie Kilakilarney. She will point you in the direction of the films you need to watch this week according to the astrological charts she keeps on her bedroom wall. If it's in the stars or on the silver screen, she knows about it!

Into the Blue 2Aries (March 21st-April 19th): Why so many secrets, Aries? You have a lot of bones in that ol' closet of yours. You better be careful this week, someone is bound to come into your home and spill those contents onto the freshly shampooed rug. Don't be so trusting of the help. Good people are hard to find, and a traitor may be lurking in your midst. Did you really research that cleaning service before allowing them to come into your precious cave? It would be in your best interest to close up shop early. Save a few bucks. Clean the toilet yourself this week. It could save you a lot of embarrassment and trouble. You're a good person. That makes it's easier for evil beings to destroy your seemingly perfect existence. Your film of the week: Programas: Secret Lives Exposed

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): Just because your boss likes to watch you work doesn't mean you like doing all those menial tasks. You've been toiling away non-stop for the better part of this year, Taurus. I keep telling you to take a break, and you never listen. Well, this is the best time to escape the doldrums of your workaday life. There is magic in the air, and sunshine is the perfect cure for what ails you. Get to the beach. Check out the beautiful waves and the bodacious curves that reside there. You need more loveliness in your life. Even though it might seem impartial to your life goals, a good view is lubricous. I'm not telling you to dive nose first into the third piece of snatch that walks by with a healthy smile. I'm telling you to plant yourself in a breezy place and watch the exquisiteness of life as it passes by at a languid pace. Enjoy the scenery. Your film of the week: Into the Blue 2: The Reef [Unrated]

Kicking the DogGemini (May 21st-June 21st): You've got a lot going on under the surface this week, Gemini. There are so many thoughts plaguing your brain, you can't even think straight. You need to go outside and dig a little hole in your chest. Let out some of that stale air and relieve the pressure. It's important to stay healthy in these down trodden times of ours. There's no telling when you may need to live off the fat of the land. Stop focusing on the little things, and get that butt in shape. You will soon be faced with a series of physical challenges you'll find hard to endure. Don't let those donuts get the best of you. Put down the jelly and work off that belly. That is the best advice you will get today. Your film of the week: Burrowers

Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd): Summer is nearing. Its time to crawl out of that little shell and get into shape. I'm not talking physically or emotionally, Cancer. You've got those areas of your life down pat. No, what you need is some intense party training. You'll need to know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em, as you will soon be asked to participate in a number of weeklong adventures involving copious amounts of alcohol and socializing. Does this mean your career is headed in a new direction? Not necessarily. What it means is that you will suddenly experience a spike in your personal popularity this week, and it will lead to many public outings. Don't let your new friends down. Your film of the week: Kicking the Dog

Laid to RestLeo (July 23rd-August 22nd): Are you tired of running? It seems like you go at it all day long, taking orders and talking to substandard individuals. Don't let the general public take advantage of you, Leo. You are a little too sociable for your own good. Don't talk just to hear yourself. It will mean too many friends in the long run, and you want to keep a tight social group this week. Focus only on those individuals that actually mean something in your large life. Sure, you will feel like taking on a rogue case. You'll want to make some new friends, and you aren't too picky about their personalities. It's hard to be so loved, but you're going to need a break. Don'tcha think? Your film of the week: Spring Break Uncut 2.8

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): I know, you feel like killing your co-workers this week. You need to keep your anger in check, Virgo. There is a danger that these overworked emotions of yours could worm their way into other aspects of your life. You might get mad at your boss, and then take that aggressive nature back home. If you're not careful, you might start yelling at your wife and kids. You might want to even kick the dog. Don't do it. Simmer down and check your head. Why is work bearing down so hard on you? Ah, you are smarter than everyone else. This much is true. It's okay to let people think otherwise. Stay happy. Don't do anything rash. Your film of the week: Laid to Rest

Poker ClubLibra (September 23rd-October 23rd): Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you? This is your week to gamble away your life savings. If you are ever going to win, the time is now. Put it all on the line. Get some chips and lay it down. Just remember, if you are going to engage in the tables and lights of Vegas, you've got to play big to win big. Get your head strait, pick out a powerful spot on the floor, and clinch your teeth. This is going to take all of your concentration. Don't let outside influences effect your decisions. Don't listen to anyone. Keep an open ear to the area that calls your name. Follow that song like a siren's breath. And then let it rip. Best of luck. And don't blame me if you lose. It's not my fault you went to the wrong slot machine. Your film of the week: Poker Club

Scorpio (October 24th-November 21): It is hot. And you are soaking up every single ray of sun like its about to go out of business. Good for you. You've finally found some peace in your life. You are at a good place this week, Scorpio. Don't let it slip away. Stay focused, and you'll discover a long, cool summer full of recovery and fulfillment. Everything you've wanted is in your grasp. Open your palm, and let it continue to drift into existence. There isn't much effort needed on your part. It's all easy sailing from here on out. Smile, and enjoy these rewarding moments. It will never get this good again. Your film of the week: Dog Days of Summer

Frost/NixonSagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): This week is all about conversation, Sagittarius. Over the course of the next seven days, you will continually find yourself in a corner, explaining away the details of your life to a complete stranger. You must be careful. Don't let too much of your private life slip out. Its unclear what people really want from you. Sure, some want to be your friend. Others want to get the dirt, and use it against you. There are evil forces out there, and they will constantly be working against the good in your life. Talk. Talk a lot. Open up about the more intimate details you've kept hidden from the general public. Just be mindful of the listener. If they aren't willing to give anything back, take a hike. You don't need them in your life. Your film of the week: Frost/Nixon [Blu-ray]

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): You need to start doing something right this very second. You need to stop being so hard on yourself. Take a moment and congratulate your inner Id. You are doing a bang up job at work, and on the home front. Your husband is looking at you in a whole new light, and your kids are actually happy when you come home. Stop fighting those inner demons. They will only keep you down. When you're unhappy, it certainly rubs off on those around you. Get a grip on those personality traits that drive you nuts. Start smiling in the mirror. Tell yourself kind things. Pay yourself a compliment. Mean it. And believe it. You are pretty fucking cool. Life will be a lot more fun once you realize this fact. Your film of the week: My Own Worst Enemy: The Complete Series [2 Discs]

Caged FuryAquarius (January 20th-February 18th): Are you tired of feeling like a rat in a cage, Aquarius? Well, a tall, dark stranger is going to open that locked door and let you out. Breeze right past him. Don't stop to say thank you. It will throw a wrench in your rehabilitation plans. You've got a lot of pent up energy. The air around your skin is thick with rage. Hurry down to the local Wal*Mart and purchase a workout machine. Put this brimming energy to good use. Pump those legs and arms. Ease some of that fat off your belly. Once you squeeze some of this excess lightening out of your blood stream, the better and stronger your mind will become. You are awesome. So is that glow emitting from your lungs. Your film of the week: Caged Fury

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): Is loneliness keeping you from the bedroom? Are you finding it hard to sleep? Well, this is your week, Pisces. A strange, handsome man is going to ease himself into your life, and it's going to be a skin pleaser. Don't hesitate to take your clothes off, even if you never do those kinds of things. You will know it is time the moment it happens. Things will turn dark and sensual. You will feel a weird tingling creep its way up your spine. The world will start to spin. If you play your cards right, this should take you to undiscovered heights. Don't let the cost of the hotel room slow you down, either. This might just be the best time of your life. Don't blow it by being scroogy. Your film of the week: Bedroom Seductions

(Remember, all of these movies can be purchased directly from us using the links provided!)

B. Alan Orange at Movieweb
B. Alan Orange