Welcome to your weekly movie horoscope with Madame Millie Kilakilarney. She will point you in the direction of the films you need to watch this week according to the astrological charts she keeps on her bedroom wall. If it's in the stars or on the silver screen, she knows about it!

Legally BlondesAries (March 21st-April 19th): Hmm? This is very interesting, Aries. It seems there are two very different sides to your innate personality. You could be twins, living in one host body. One side of you is nice and friendly; the other side is mean and spiteful. Its because you always need to have it your way. Well, guess what, girl? We're not living on planet Burger King. Your flip-flopish narrative beats are starting to concern your more intimate acquaintances. They are worried about your good will. It's a fact, missy. You can't be all lovey dovey one minute, and then biting the hand of the guy that feeds you the next. Straighten up and sort it out. That's the only way to make it through this rough patch. Your DVD of the week: Legally Blondes

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): There are many evil forces trying to keep you down this week, Taurus! You better get out your electric fly swatter and squash them like a bug. The best thing to do is keep your head up and your fists out. Do not compromise any situation that is currently working in your favor. There will be many individuals who'll tempt you and try to sway you to their way of thinking. Don't fall for it. In nearly every single situation, you will be right. This is your time to prove your worth to the masses. Do not settle for anything less than what you know you can offer. People are counting on you in the long run. If you let someone else take over the reigns, we'll all be sorely disappointed. Belief in yourself is key. Your DVD of the week: Never Surrender

Fantasy BellydanceGemini (May 21st-June 21st): Its time to sweat through your work clothes, Gemini. You will be faced with many hard tasks this week. Most of them physical. Huh? What's that? You've been sitting behind your desk for four months straight now? Well, its time to get off your keister and start exercising that beautiful four-hundred pound body of yours. You will want to be in tip top shape this summer, and the daily duties coming your way will require more than a little movement on your part. You don't want your co-workers to see you huffing and puffing it up the staircase, do you? You don't want your boss to pull you off assignment the moment she sees your inability to lift a box of paper. You better get out of that seat and start working those muscles right this very second! Your DVD of the week: Fantasy Bellydance

Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd): A major storm is brewing at work, and you are going to be caught in the eye of it all. Watch out for sudden downpours and torrential tantrums. People are going to start acting crazy, and it's all because of this wacky economy we're being forced to live through. The best thing for you to do is invest in a life preserver. Co-workers are going to be coming at you from every unseen corner of the room, ready to do you in. Get your feet on solid group. Form a plan, and stick to it. Don't allow yourself to go insane with worry. You should come out of this mess just fine. You have, and always will be, the better person. Remember that, and you will thrive in the worst of moments. Don't ever let anyone put you down. Your DVD of the week: Storm Cell

StrandedLeo (July 23rd-August 22nd): Leo! What sort of mess have you gotten yourself into this week? People are accusing you of some pretty heinous deeds. And here, we thought everyone liked you. It's too bad. Your openness has caused you this downfall in spirit. You are far too trusting, and that has earned you a place on the naughty list. Your friends and co-workers all think you are a louse. And that's a shame. You are basically a good person. It is going to take some effort, but you will need to go out of your way to prove your innocence. Let people now where you stand on certain issues, even if it's none of their business. It might clear away some of these grey clouds looming over your head. Stay true to what you know is right, and others will come around to the truth soon enough. Your DVD of the week: Nothing But the Truth

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): You've fought for the cause long enough. People either believe in you or they don't. There is little you can do at this point to sway the general public's perception. I know you feel isolated, Virgo. It seems like most people have given up on your cause. Well, no need to feel stranded. If you stick to your guns, and carry the message through, there will be acceptance on the other side of the fence. Sometimes, you have to breeze through the loneliness of life without your lofty subconscious to keep you company. This is one of those weeks. If you can make it through this, you can make it through anything. Stick to your convictions, and others will catch on fairly quickly. Your DVD of the week: Stranded

JCVDLibra (September 23rd-October 23rd): Sometimes, people just don't understand you, Libra. And this is going to be one of those weeks. You will try to show people your positive side, but that will constantly be overshadowed by the upsetting elements that make you the man you are. Don't worry about co-workers perceptions of you. Don't think twice when your mother-in-law says your name in vein. It's their way of dealing with their own shortcomings. You should stay focused on what makes you happy. Not what makes those around you jump for joy. If you catered to everyone in your immediate vicinity, you'd be more miserable than they're making you out to be. Refuse to give them what they want, and the true you will emerge soon enough. Your DVD of the week: JCVD [Blu-ray]

Scorpio (October 24th-November 21): Despite your acidic nature, you truly want what's best for those in your life. Even though most people can't see it, you are generous to a fault, and would like nothing better than to help those in need. You will be faced with a challenge this week, and it could change your demeanor at work. The less fortunate will call on you for help. Will you rush to their aid? Or will you get caught up in your own materialistic way of life? You know you want to help, but the wolf call of a bargain may be too much for you too handle. Now is the time to decide what means the most to you in the world. Helping the weak, or helping yourself to another pair of cheap shoes. Your DVD of the week: Hotel for Dogs [WS]

She-BeastSagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): You will definitely encounter some problems with the opposite sex this week, Sagittarius. While you might be thinking about that lovely girl at the corner coffee shop, you have not seen her true nature. An opportunity will arise, and you will suddenly be forced into a high profile situation that smells of cheap wine and romance. Do not heed its call. Falling for the wrong one at this very moment could greatly screw up your own personal space-time continuum. And everyone else's for that matter. You need to stay hidden. Keep that handsome face under lockdown for the next couple of days. Any one-night stand that might present itself is only asking for trouble. Don't shoot, you'll only wind up in dire straights. Your DVD of the week: She-Beast

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): Whoa! Who wears the pants around here, Capricorn? Your husband? What is he doing inviting all of these people over to your house? First he had his parents come over unannounced. Then his buddy from college comes and stays for a week. You need to put your foot down right now, or its only going to get worse. I sense a dark presence arriving soon. Someone you'd never invite into your home. Its only because you've been too lax with the house rules. You better nip this in the bud while you still have time. Otherwise, your weekends will be overrun with unforeseen choirs not of your own making. Seriously, do you want to spend all of your free time cooking for a bunch of free loaders? I didn't think so. Your DVD of the week: Uninvited [Blu-ray]

Booby HatchAquarius (January 20th-February 18th): There are many traps being laid around your house this week, Aquarius. You'll have to be mighty careful if you don't wish to fall into any of them. From the outset, you look easy to manipulate. People see you, and think they can pull a fast one. Be weary of any strangers selling wolf tickets. You don't want to inadvertently pay for something that doesn't exist. But its not only strangers that will try to pull the wool over your eyes. Your husband is more than likely up to something devious, as are your co-workers. Keep drinking that carrot juice. You will want to have a sharp eye on every angle. Don't let the fools fool you into thinking everything is going to be all right. You are better than that. Your film of the week: Booby Hatch

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): Its so sad, Pisces. This week, you will find yourself in a heated argument with a lifelong friend. Your inability to be wrong will cause a rift wider than the Grand Canyon. If you don't act fast to fix it, you may lose the thing you hold dearest in this life. Don't let your stubbornness get out of control. Try to see things through other people's eyes. There is usually more than one answer to any given dispute. It would be in your best interest to let your lover have the upper hand this time out. You don't need to win every fight. That's no fun. Just remember that in both victory and defeat there is always drinking! Your DVD of the week: Bride Wars

(Remember, all of these movies can be purchased directly from us using the links provided!)

B. Alan Orange at Movieweb
B. Alan Orange