Welcome to your weekly movie horoscope with Madame Millie Kilakilarney. She will point you in the direction of the films you need to watch this week according to the astrological charts she keeps on her bedroom wall. If it's in the stars or on the silver screen, she knows about it!

Still Waiting...Aries (March 21st-April 19th): You will start having nightmares about your own death this week. Not to worry, your demise is not eminent. You are just having trouble forgetting the past and letting things go. Clear off that bookshelf in your brain. Dust it, and spray it down with a little Windex. Now is the time to look towards new adventures in your life. There isn't any one or anything out to get you. It's all in your head. Death signs are good luck. They bring about a message of hope and change. It's like disposing of your dirty undies. Life is a series of constantly shifting moments. There will be ups and downs. Step away from your phobias, and look at all the smiles you are receiving. Enjoy them. You never know when your number might be up. Ha! Your film of the week: Dead Like Me: The Movie [WS]

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): Does the mundane path you've chosen in life suddenly have you down? Well, chin up, Taurus! There's a lot of fun hiding behind nearly every faucet of your life. Pull back those musty old bed sheets and discover the awesomeness that awaits you at every corner. You, Madame, have a keen sense of discovery and imagination. Utilize those tools while succumbing to your menial task at hand, and you might notice a serious sense of joy returning to your soul. Suddenly and without warning, you will feel like skipping and hopping through those weekday chores. Someone is bound to take notice, and it will provide you with an untold fortune in gratitude. Your film of the Week: Still Waiting... [Unrated]

Body of Lies

Gemini (May 21st-June 21st): Are people often mistaking you for someone else. Do you always feel like you are living in someone else's shadow? Well, Gemini, this is your week to break free of all those preconceived notions about who and what you are. If you keep going at this speed, no one is ever going to take you seriously. You need to grab a new pair of jeans and strut the stuff your hiding inside them. Now is the perfect time to surprise those that think you are lower than any given self-established status. You can hope for more. Recovery is an angle you should be working towards. Stop hiding behind that less than human mask. Show some skin, and make a name for yourself. No one likes a coward. Your film of the week: Alien Raiders

Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd): What's the matter, Cancer? You used to be so good at hiding thoughts and keeping secrets. People liked confiding in you, because you were so apt at taking that knowledge into your tiny little shell and keeping it there forever. You used to adhere to the rules of the vault. Well, not this week. Someone has diarrhea of the mouth, and that someone is you! You better watch your back. Giving up the ghost and relenting all of this pent up frustration is just going to slow your roll. No one likes a tattletale. There's a huge chance that someone very close to you will disclose a very important piece of secret information. Letting this news loose amongst the populace could cause more problems then you're aquipped to deal with. The course for this time in your life: Button it! Your film of the week: Body of Lies [WS]


Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd): In the mood for a little self-love, are we Leo? There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, you might find others are inclined to let you down this week. They really don't have your best intentions at hand. There is only one recourse. Some much needed alone time. Go in the other room, close the door, and give yourself the works. You needn't be too graphic. A simple clearing of the throat and a good nap might do it for you. There's always time for a good book. And if you feel the need to bust out that hand cream, give it a rub. Right now, your stars are aliened, and its only you that can please you. Don't let other people control the spontaneity of your arousal. Just don't become a chronic palm abuser. That's sort of icky. Your film of the week: Choke [2008]

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): Don't loose yourself in this recession, Virgo. You might find it a little too easy to give it all away. That certainly isn't necessary. Things are looking sunny on your side of the fence. If you weren't such a pessimist, you'd see that as truth. In exchanging your materialistic goods for quick cash, you might never recover those things that make you tick. If there's one thing you need to be, its you. And you are the kind of person that is defined by the neat things you own. You are a collector, and a hoarder. That shouldn't be viewed as such a bad thing. Keep your head down, and your arms wrapped around those items that are the most important to you. It will keep you at peace, and in good health. Your mind, body, and spirit can't handle losing the button collection you've acquired over the years. Two words: Don't sell! Your film of the week: Changeling

High School Musical 3

Libra (September 23rd-October 23rd): It's just your luck, Libra. This week, you will find yourself stuck in a small confined space with a bunch of strangers. Luckily for you, you have a good way with people. You'll find that those unwanted souls gravitate towards your inner kindness. You are a one of a kind find, and unfamiliar faces can sense that in you right off the bat. That's why, when everything goes in the shitter, you'll be the one they turn to. Accept this fate, and you will be able to save an untold number of individuals from giving up on their own will to live. If you play your cards right, you could be a pillar in the community. Get your game face on. Lives need saving. Your film of the week: Quarantine

Scorpio (October 24th-November 21): Oh, Scorpio! I know you don't like others watching from near or far. You have a very personal take on matters, but now is the time to let that veil down. Put on some comfortable shoes and drink some lemon water. I want to see you singing and dancing down the street. I want you doing cartwheels in the breakroom. I want you humming during that so-called important board meeting this week! Why? Because, I sense a lot of pent up anger inside you. Get it out, be joyful. People love you best when you are being funny. Take someone by surprise and bust out that dance routine you learned in third grade. It will shock and surprise your detractors. And it will make you feel better about yourself. Your film of the week: High School Musical 3: Senior Year

Last House on the Left

Sagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): Bad idea, Sagittarius. I don't care who you recently met on Youtube or Facebook. Internet dating is not, and never will be your forte. Sure, things will look exciting this week as you are swarmed by a number of suitors. But beware, none of them are whom you might think. Deceptions run high in this business, and it's not just your heart that could get hurt. Look for any given number of hands to run wild over your wallet. Be exceptionally careful of the cute boy in the corner. Don't give him any personal information. I smell credit card fraud. If you want to hook up, I suggest you and your best girlfriend go on a little road trip. The willing dudes you met in any given bar, handsome or not, will be able to provide you with some much needed joy in this life. Your film of the week: Sex Drive

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): Good news, Capricorn! Your want and need to be scared is currently curing itself in a most unusual form. Take off and visit that haunted mansion in the hills. A good bout of spooky business might just relieve your current stress. I know its tough out there in this cruel economic climate. And that's why most of us need a means of distraction. But nothing will satisfy you quite like the off unawareness a chilling shower of horrors can provide. Get some popcorn and some soda, and cozy up on the couch. Your film of the week (because it's so scary): Last House on the Left [Collector's Edition]

Big Bust Babes

Aquarius (January 20th-February 18th): Convictions and grievances. Today might be your day to take a deep look inside and question what got you into this current situation. This will be your week to study new religions and question your own beliefs. Why do certain things happen to certain people, and why do they seem to always happen to you first? A spiritual quest is in order. You will feel compelled to pick up rocks and study their texture. You may look to the sky and try to find hidden meaning in that horsy shaped cloud. Just remember that, in this journey, you should remain true to yourself. Otherwise, all else will seem pale in comparison. You are not a failure, so don't let what others believe fail you. Your film of the week: Religulous

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): Well, well, well, Mister Pisces. Aren't we feeling frisky today? They say there's no time like the present to get what you want out of life, so why not dive nose first into those golden hills of deliciousness that surround you. I know you want to touch flesh, and this is as good a week as any to delve into that passionate resource. Though your luck might seem like it's running dry in the romance department, have you considered striking up a conversation about the female form with any given member of the opposite sex? You live in an area rich with potential mates. Take a new approach, and you'll be swimming in mummeries in no time. Do the unexpected. Quite being such a nerd and go for it. Make your daddy proud! Your film of the week: Big Bust Babes

(Remember, all of these movies can be purchased directly from us using the links provided!)

B. Alan Orange at Movieweb
B. Alan Orange