Welcome to your weekly movie horoscope with Madame Millie Kilakilarney. She will point you in the direction of the DVDs you need to watch this week according to the astrological charts she keeps on her bedroom wall. If it's in the stars or on store shelves, she knows about it!

FanboysAries (March 21st-April 19th): Your passion for life soars above everything else. In tempting the fates, you should be extremely careful to look out for others. Like it or not, people look up to you. They expect you to be resourceful and considerate, even when you should be pampering yourself. Don't get lost in the Hollywood shuffle of insults and sarcasm. Take the hand you've been dealt and give it to those in need. Your sacrifice today will mean a lot more to the folks around you in the very near future. It's your time to shine. Don't let your friends and family down. Like it or not, they need you. Especially in this off time of turbulence in the world. Make their tiny dreams come true, and you will be led down the road of happiness. Also, stop talking about shit you don't know about. Your DVD of the week: Fanboys [WS]

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): Are you ready to be the boss? This week, you will learn the true meaning of devotion as you take a couple of co-workers under your wing and show them the ropes. Your supervisors better look out, though. You are more adept at teaching new tricks to old dogs then they ever were. Productivity is bound to shoot through the roof, and outsiders will soon know your trainees as "The Taurus Squad"! Are you up for the challenge? Its best to take a breather and learn a couple of keen interpersonal communication skills if you plan to make it through this grueling task. Rest assured, the advice you doll out in the coming days is going to be taken to heart. You are a God among men, so walk with your head up high. Your DVD of the week: Jack Squad

OutlanderGemini (May 21st-June 21st): It's a pity that you and your lover aren't getting along right now, Gemini. It's all on your shoulders, and I know you can feel it. If you don't do something to mend this mess, its all going to come crashing down around you. Your lack of lovemaking is going to tie directly into your work life and your recreational dreams. There is a lot at stake, here. Just because you don't agree on one tiny aspect of life doesn't mean you have to throw everything else away. Clear your mind and figure out what is right for your mate. He needs some special attention, and for whatever reason, you're simply not willing to give it to him. Open your eyes, and do the math. A good life awaits you on the other side of this very personal dilemma. Your DVD of the week: Outlander

Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd): Poor Cancer. You've been quietly dwelling inside your shell, waiting for that special someone to notice you. Your gentle jabs and quaint hints at romance just aren't getting the job done. You need to come at that girl with your pinchers blazing. And if she says no, don't hide. Hype it up. Show off your stuff. You will be faced with a great challenge this week. One that will require you to stand up and be a man. Take a stand, and those most likely to ignore you will be banging at your door, waiting for your loving touch. You could be a hero to all if you give yourself over to this notion. Stop hiding and kick out the jams. Your DVD of the week: Paul Blart: Mall Cop [Blu-ray]

My Bloody ValentineLeo (July 23rd-August 22nd): You've been on a mission, now its time to make your decision, Leo. Are you going to go through with your plan of attack? Or are you going to sit back and watch someone else reap the glorious benefits of your hard work. You've been toiling down this long gravel road for far to long. Don't lose site of your trek now. Take a moment to stand by that ditch. Study it in detail. Gather your thoughts, and then charge forward. Don't look back. Just do what you came to do and then get out. You'll succeed if you stick to your guns. Just make sure you don't deviate from this path that has been laid out in front of you. If you stray, it will destroy the later half of your predestined plans to rule the hot tub in Cabo. Your DVD of the week: Valkyrie [Special Edition] [2 Discs] [Includes Digital Copy]

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): You better keep a keen lookout, Virgo. Someone is out to get you, and they're not going to be kind when they get you in their sights. What did you do to deserve this kind of treatment? Nothing, as far as I know. Maybe one of your family members is holding a dark secret. Maybe your bloodline is tainted with unrequited revenge. Whatever the case may be, you better get yourself a good, sharp stake. And remember to keep a look out. I have a feeling your best friend or your lover may be in on this scheme to ruin your life. They will try to destroy your economic well-being. Will you be prepared when the shit hits the fan? You darn well better be. That's all I'm saying. Your DVD of the week: My Bloody Valentine 3D [2 Discs] [3D Glasses]

True BloodLibra (September 23rd-October 23rd): Your appetite is going to run rampant this week, Libra. Your culinary palate is going to be sparked and electrified in unique and unusual ways. Are you up for the challenge? Even if something looks unappetizing, it would be in your best interest to indulge yourself. Don't shy away from disgusting sights and smells. Dive in and take a big bite. Some foods are more disingenuous than others. There is a world of adventure awaiting your taste buds. If an unexpected trip comes up, make sure you take it. Its bound to lead your tongue on an exciting free fall of fantastic delights. Your DVD of the week: True Blood: The Complete First Season [5 Discs]

Scorpio (October 24th-November 21): Its almost comical, Scorpio. When people start to dislike you the most, animals sense this, and take to your cause. You aren't a bad person at heart. That's why dogs, and especially cats, love you no matter what. You are going to have a rather intense week on both the job front and in the social field. It might be best to stay away from humans whenever possible. Stay at home with your pets. Pamper them, and find the love within them that you are searching for in others. If you don't have a Pug or a Persian, why not invest some of your free time in a trip to the pound? There are some great rewards awaiting you there. You just might find your soul mate. Your DVD of the week: Dr. Dolittle: Million Dollar Mutts

Saturday Morning CartoonsSagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): You've invested so much time in getting everything right this week, Sagittarius. It's now time to stop thinking about the future and remember where you came from. Take a step back, and revisit your childhood. Did you ever envision you'd be where you are now? How did you get here, and what can you do to continue down this righteous path? A little nostalgia is as good as a vitamin B 12. Instead of taking the annual trip to Barbados, why don't you arrange a flight back to the hometown of your youth? Revisit those moments that made you the upstanding citizen that you've become. Reconnect with your roots, and maybe it will give you a better understanding of where you are headed in the very near future. Your DVD of the week: Saturday Morning Cartoons: 1970's, Vol. 1 [2 Discs]

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): It's the week you've been waiting for, Capricorn! Your boss is finally going to decide which of you gets to advance forward in your current position. The promotion is open, and you are willing. But there are more qualified individuals tapping their feet beside you. It is time to rise and shine, and fight like you've never fought before. You need the boost in income this new opportunity will provide, as well as the recognition and esteem that comes along with it. It would be too easy to give up the struggle at this current moment in time. You have a bit of hard work in front of you, but trust me, it's worth it. Don't lose hope. You may not be the best, but you sure can pretend to be the best. Strive for the action, and roll those dice. Your DVD of the week: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

PufnstufAquarius (January 20th-February 18th): Do you get tired of people's preconceived notions about you? For whatever reason, you've become pigeonholed inside everyone's mind as a particular sort of individual. Well, this week will be all about shaking off that crusty mud, and paving a way for intolerable acceptance of your hidden awesomeness. Stop giving the crowds what they want. Start doing things that make you happy, and you will be flushed with a modicum of riches you never knew existed. Just because other folk's think you're a one trick pony doesn't mean you have to keep kicking out that same tired old trick. Say something weird, and watch your mom's eyes light up. Your DVD of the week: Invasion Iowa [2 Discs]

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): Look at you, Pisces. You're always living in a land of make believe. Is your life so awful that you have to conjure up one fantastical image in your head after another? Why don't you stop all of this pretending and come back down to earth for a second? You are starting to scare your loved ones and your co-workers. Is there a problem at home? Are you often afraid of the workplace? You need to ground yourself in reality and succumb to the daily tasks that need your attention. It's not good to devote more than most of your free time to imaginary worlds that no one else can see. In fact, your sanity may be called into question this week. If you don't get this problem in check, you may lose your job and your husband. Your DVD of the week: Pufnstuf

(Remember, all of these movies can be purchased directly from us using the links provided!)

B. Alan Orange