Welcome to your weekly movie horoscope with Madame Millie Kilakilarney. She will point you in the direction of the films you need to watch this week according to the astrological charts she keeps on her bedroom wall. If it's in the stars or on the silver screen, she knows about it!

The Incredible Hulk

Aries (March 21st-April 19th): The waters are rough. You may find yourself lost at sea this week. Be cautious of tidal waves. You may steer your boat into an unexpected storm that will not suite your lifestyle. There are many dangers lurking around the corner, Aries! Doom has you in its scope, and it's aiming to kill. Take heed! Maybe you should lay low and rethink your purpose driven life. Don't throw yourself into the face of death or injury when it isn't necessary. You still have a lot to accomplish. Your film of the week: The Perfect Storm [Special Edition]

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): Well, well, well, you seem to have a lot of energy this week, Mr. Taurus. Let's not channel it in the wrong direction, shall we? You need to stay sharp and focused. Forces beyond your control are going to urge you to do something drastic. It's best that you simmer down. Don't take things so seriously. At this time in your life, it's best not to get upset or throw a tantrum. People are watching. Get a hold of those anger issues. Don't blow it; stay calm. Becoming overtly angry at this point might destroy all that you've worked so hard for. And none of us want to see that. Be patient. And you will keep your pants on. You film of the week: Incredible Hulk [WS]

Young Einstein

Gemini (May 21st-June 21st): Look out! You are about to go mental. Don't worry; this sanity issue of yours is not a bad thing. In fact, a lot of great, lucrative ideas will come streaming out of your new change in brain matter. You may feel compelled to complete tasks you never thought possible. Your sense of discovery will shock those around you, while appealing to their own desires in life. You're not crazy. You're liberated. Take ahold of that feeling while it lasts. You might see yourself performing the song of a lifetime. And it will be fun. You may even wander into an unexpected kiss or two. Your film of the week: The New Guy [Unrated Director's Cut]

Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd): The weather has you thinking. A lot. While you've been able to complete tiny tasks moment by moment, your greatest idea is now upon you. All you need to do is concentrate. Point that energy into one single direction, and you could walk away with a new patent on life. From this moment on, the world is yours. But don't forget: The world is also after you. One great idea can lead to a certain want and need from the public that you are not prepared to deal with. Make sure to test-drive all new endeavors before making them public. And make sure you find a soft spot in your schedule. Because soon, you will need extra time to make yourself happy. Your film of the week: Young Einstein

Resevoir Dogs

Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd): You better be prepared, Leo. This is going to be a busy day. In a week full of busy days. At every single moment, something or someone will be pulling at your leg. They'll want something done. But can you do it? Can you rise to the challenge and make everyone happy? It's certainly in you. Just remember to keep one hand on the wheel at all times. Whatever you decide to do with that other hand is your business. They say you can't please everyone all the time. But you, Miss, certainly have the power to do just that. You are incredibly talented, and people are going to want to utilize your skills. Just don't burn yourself out, and you'll be all right. Your film of the week: Jerry Maguire

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): Your best work will be done within the confines of a tightly knit group this week. You may not feel compelled to get along with those that are assigned to your case. Be careful whom you confide in. Others are just waiting to bring you down. There is much turmoil in the family you throw your weight behind. When an argument arises, make your point and be on with it. It's best not to fight in these circles. Get the job done, and get it done right. There's no time to question the objective. Nor is there time to make honest friends. They will just burn you in the end. Your film of the week: Reservoir Dogs [Orange Ten Years Special Edition] [2 Discs]

The Rocker

Libra (September 23rd-October 23rd): Feeling a bit frazzled, are we, Libra? Could it be this sudden change of pace? The sudden change of location? The sudden and unexpected changing of jobs? Maybe you're not comfortable with your new surrounding. Do you feel like the ghosts of the past are trying to tell you something? Do you feel the need to rush out of your new digs, screaming to high heaven? Well, cool it. That's just your imagination running wild. Sometimes it's hard to settle into this new life you have chosen for yourself. You may find that you want to cling to other people's problems, just to get away from your own. Stop doing that and concentrate on the life that surrounds you. If you can pull your head out of the neighbor's trash long enough to see that you've got it made, then everything else will quickly fall into place. Dwell too long on someone else's past history, and you might find yourself in a world of hurt. Your film of the week: The Grudge [Unrated]

Scorpio (October 24th-November 21): Uh-oh. Scorpio, your job may be in jeopardy this week. Have you tied all the knots and taken out the trash? Have you made sure that the light bulbs in the bathroom have been replaced? Neglecting any single faucet of your livelihood may soon see you on the street. Especially in this new age of economic woes. Maybe you're clinging onto the past, and that is causing you to overlook what needs to get done on a day-to-day basis. Find a hobby, and honed that hobby. It will help you stay true to yourself in the workplace. No one likes an unemployed snob. Find out what your nieces and nephews are doing. Their sport might become your own, and they will help you maintain that life light. Your film of the week: Rocker [Born to Rock Edition] [2 Discs]

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Sagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): Look at you! Where did you find all of this brute strength? You are a new man, and its attracting the ladies. You suddenly have the power to leap tall buildings with a single bound. What are you going to do with this newfound prowess? Its best to use it for good. Becoming evil is a horrible time consumer that will see you shriveled and old before you're ready to deal with the medical bills. You have the power to help a lot of people in need. Will you see to it that the world is cared for? Or will you turn your back for profit and self gain? The choice is up to you, but you may want to look deep inside your heart before you make that final Judgement call. We're all depending on you. Your film of the week: Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith [WS] [2 Discs]

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): The powers that be wish to see a change in your performance abilities. Do you have what it takes to pull yourself up by the bootstraps? Can you overcome your shortcomings and rise to the occasion? Do you think you can give them what they need? Maybe not, but that's their problem. Don't take criticism too seriously. Your bosses only have their authority to hold over you. You are the better man. If you can't do it to their standards, it might be time to get another job. Seek out that which makes you happy. There are too many miserable people in this world, and you don't need to be one of them. Follow your own path, and soon enough, you will be holding that same authority over someone else's head. Just remember what they did with it, and how it did nothing to benefit you. And you should come out of this mess feeling awesome. Your film of the week: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

King Ralph

Aquarius (January 20th-February 18th): You will be greatly affected by an unforeseen collision. There will be a catastrophe in your life this week, and you will need to know how to deal with it. This is not the time to curl yourself into a little ball. Lift that head up and see who needs help. You may be the only one capable of keeping the aftermath from spinning out of control. Assume your role as leader. The life you save may be your own. People need guidance in this time of pain, and you may be the only one capable of providing it. Your film of the week: Deep Impact [Collector's Edition]

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): Now is your moment to shine, and nothing says willing candidate like that first impression. First impressions are an important factor in life, and never more so than in the upcoming events that will placate your week. If you prepare yourself now, there won't be any room for follies. Study up and learn that ancient language of love. Seek out your favorite comedians and put their favorite quip in your back pocket. Don't completely reinvent yourself. No one likes a masquerade. Just brush up on your etiquette skills. Figure out where the silverware belongs, and don't take too much food from the buffet. Be yourself. But at the same time, better yourself. Your life and career may depend on it. You'll have all day Sunday to fart and shit about the house. Your film of the week: King Ralph

(Remember, all of these movies can be purchased directly from us using the links provided!)

B. Alan Orange