Welcome to your weekly movie horoscope with Madame Millie Kilakilarney. She will point you in the direction of the DVDs you need to watch this week according to the astrological charts she keeps on her bedroom wall. If it's in the stars or on store shelves, she knows about it!

Gran TorinoAries (March 21st-April 19th): It's time to shake yourself out of this odd, grumpy stupor you've so eloquently eased yourself into these past few days. You used to love the world and everything in it. So why, pray tell, have you decided to shit on everyone and everything? One moment the amusement park sounds fun, the next minute you're telling the kids its lame. They just want to have a good time this summer. Why are you ruining it for them. Look at the way you treat your husband. He is a good man. And you are constantly yelling at him like an old nag. Shape up or ship out. Nobody likes a crusty old sailor coming to dinner every night. You have to be fair to those around you. They love you. Try loving them back. Maybe you should find yourself a hobby. It certainly wouldn't hurt. Your DVD of the week: Gran Torino [WS]

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): You'll want to help others in need this week, but be careful. There are forces greater than you at play, and some are evil. You could get swept under the rug of nonconformity, and that will do you absolutely no good. Just because your co-workers are having a hard go of it doesn't mean you have to. Be mindful of the energy that surrounds all awkward situations. Keep to the sidelines, and don't rush in until the very last minute. Things have a way of working themselves out, and you can't stop the world from moving forward. Its best not to make any rash decisions or judge others on what they seem incapable of doing for themselves. You'll want to keep your head above water. So look out only for your wellbeing, and wait a moment before throwing out that life buoy. It's for your own good. Your DVD of the week: Crossing Over

Fired Up!Gemini (May 21st-June 21st): You've got spirit, yes its true! People will join you on the roofs and in the streets to hear you preach this new wonderment that has suddenly soaked into your soul. Don't let this positive energy go to waist. Find a good avenue to drive it down, and stay out of the center lane. People are constantly looking for that one true moment that will uplift them and awash them in the light of affirmation. You are a tiny God wielding true magic. This is your week to do some honest encouragement boosting. Don't fail the system. Jump in and give it your all. Scream niceties at passersbys just so that you both know your are alive. This is your time, use it to make others shine. One "feel good" declaration can change the course of our daily living habits. So sing! Your DVD of the week: Fired Up!

Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd): There will be foreigners knocking at your door this week, Cancer. Crawl out of your little shell and answer their call. People need you to be in a good mood. They don't need you hiding away in your tiny shoebox apartment, pretending the world has stopped moving. Maybe for you it has, but not for everyone else. A community is a group effort. You need to shake some life into those bones, and start taking a proactive stance against this incoming wave of mishaps that may soon plague your life. Helping new neighbors is a very good start. Don't understand their language? Don't fret! A handshake is a universal sign of accord. Accept it, and help. Your DVD of the week: International [Blu-ray]

StrikeLeo (July 23rd-August 22nd): Its time to get your mind out of the gutter and play ball! Your once promising career has taken a nosedive. Well, its up to you to bring some resurgence back into your life. Take the skills you've honed and ease them in a new direction. Just because your current boss doesn't recognize your keen talent doesn't mean someone else won't. You don't have to be stuck doing the same thing day in and day out forever. Its time to broaden your horizons and strike out against the sun. Move forward and find a niche. Try to apply your mean dexterity to an environment that welcomes your open and honest nature. Make friends with enemies, and stop pussy footing around. You could be awesome. So stop wasting both my time, and yours. Your DVD of the week: Strike

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): You're a weird duck, Virgo. You never are whom you say you are, then you turn around and rub everyone's nose in the mess. You are constantly playing all sides of the fence. You have the keen ability to win over both the good guys and the bad guys, but is this the right thing? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. This week, you are going to fall into the hands of a manipulator, and you better get your stories straight. Otherwise they may overcome your own will to function and thrive in this waning environment. You have to put your own interests aside to make the proper adjustments needed in this life. Pick one persona and stick with it this week. Don't play around, you might find yourself standing at the mouth of a new weekend with ten broken fingers. Your DVD of the week: Nobel Son

ShieldLibra (September 23rd-October 23rd): You constantly do exceptional work, so don't ever let anyone tell you other wise. There are certain forces surrounding your place of employment that may not be good for your mental health. They will twist the truth and try to make you out to be the bad guy. Even though your productivity and output as a worker bee is beyond exceptional, look for certain up and comers to deteriorate your good will and incomparable skills behind the desk. Hold your head up high and don't take the rock pelts that are being plinked at your window. Sooner than later, those trying to do you in will get their just deserts. So sit back and let nature take its course. In the words or Madam Kilakilarney, "Fuck 'em!" Your DVD of the week: Shield: The Complete Seventh Season [4 Discs]

Scorpio (October 24th-November 21): You know what you need? A good laugh. A really meaty joke that will make snot and milk shoot out of your nose like a rocket. Your bad attitude has gotten you down. In turn, it has made everyone else miserable. You have to consider this: People really do like you. So, stop fretting over your abrasive personality, and accept yourself at face value. It will put everyone else at ease. The best way to do this would be to cheer your self up. So what if you find amusement in the miseries of the world. Walk down to bum town and have yourself a snigger. Once you start chuckling, others will suddenly find themselves at ease around you. Lighten the mood, even if the tone of your humor is off color. It makes no difference, as long as the world is smiling too. Your DVD of the week: Norman Lear Collection [19 Discs]

DipseXXX: Bottoms UpSagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): Isn't it about time you opened your heart and let the music in. Things have been quiet in your life, Sagittarius. A lull in wildlife sounds is bound to depress anyone. Open up the window and let the birds' tunefulness rush in. Partake in the orchestra of squealing tires and thudding bumpers. Heck, maybe you should even start singing to yourself. A life without music is no life at all. It may be best to invest in a new car stereo this week. Get one with all the amenities. Then head to the local record shop and select a few new discs. Trust me, you need to vibrate with the soulfulness found in most Ray Charles records. Stop slumping through this life and get your groove back. Your DVD of the week: Woodstock [Director's Cut] [40th Anniversary]

{bold|Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): When was the last time you partied, Capricorn? You've been tied to the fence post that is your family for a little too long. And escaping from work has proven nearly impossible. Well, get out the bolt cutters and free yourself. Otherwise you will wither and die. You need to take control of your free time while you still have some. Get down and boogie! Have a drink or two. Imbibe in the fun that passes you by nearly every single day. Its your turn to groove and twirl without a thought in your head. Strip everything down and find a secret getaway of your own making. It is the only thing that will keep you going once shit starts to get heavy. Trust me on this one. Your DVD of the week: DipseXXX: Bottoms Up

I Am a Gummy BearAquarius (January 20th-February 18th): People really do have you down in the dumps this week, don't they Aquarius? Your wife is a constant nag, your kids only want what you can't afford to give them, the boss is asking for things that can't be done in time, and your closet friends never replenish the beer stock they constantly deplete on a weekly basis. Maybe its time to ditch the human side of life and find a more understanding companion. More than ever, the animal world needs you. Probably more than you need them. Why not set off on a quest to find the perfect best friend? A cat, a dog, a bird. Heck, even a goldfish might be right up your alley. Yes, Aquarius, you need someone to talk to that won't talk back. So make a trip to the pound. You'll be glad you did. Your DVD of the week: Adorapet Puppies

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): Why so sad, Pisces? Sure, the world is falling apart all around you. But you shouldn't really worry about it. Instead, why don't you go in search of happiness. It can be found in the weirdest of places. Food, movies, time spent with family and friends. Lift your head out of the clouds and start dancing. So what if others can't hear the music. Maybe your goofy new take on life and all it has to offer will shake them out of their gloom stupors as well. Heck, maybe you are the new voice of a generation. It's very possible that your newfound joy in this world could grow infectious. Make your self the best disease possible, and everyone will want to get down with your sickness. Have a laugh, a dance, and a big slice of cantaloupe. If not for yourself, then for me! Your DVD of the week: Gummibär: I Am a Gummy Bear

(Remember, all of these movies can be purchased directly from us using the links provided!)

B. Alan Orange at Movieweb
B. Alan Orange