Welcome to your weekly movie horoscope with Madame Millie Kilakilarney. She will point you in the direction of the films you need to watch this week according to the astrological charts she keeps on her bedroom wall. If it's in the stars or on the silver screen, she knows about it!

BoltAries (March 21st-April 19th): You've never been brash. That's too bad, because its time to act fast. Things are failing around you. The climate, the economic structuring of your life, and your waning romances all seem to be in some sort of despair. Everything is in dire straights, dear Aries. You better tighten that belt. The goats are loose and ready to eat every last tin can in your yard. Luckily for you, this problem comes tied up in a nice pretty bow. You won't have far to throw in finding your burden. That doesn't mean it will be an easy road to hoe. You've got to really dig in there and get your fingernails dirty. If you fail in completing the tasks laid out for you this week, you will be at absolute fault. Don't let the community down. You're a savior. Act like one. Your film of the week: The Line

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): Golly, Taurus. You've been cooped up for so long, you're beginning to think this office is the only real, substantial thing in the world. There is a life outside of pushing papers and playing on the Internet. Why have you had the curtains drawn for so long.? What are you really hiding from? Pull back the blinds and realize its spring time. The sun is shinning, and you have more to accomplish in this life than fetching your boss another stale jelly donut. Get off your keister and take a well desereved walk through the park. Talk to the pigeons, converse with the homeless. Offer up a dime or two. It's not going to kill your pocket book. Outdoors is where you ought to be. Even if you can't escape right this second, take a moment after work to walk through a crowded city street. Reacquaint yourself with humanity, for god's sake! It's needed. Your film of the week: Bolt [3 Discs] [Includes Digital Copy] [Blu-ray/DVD]

Quantum of SolaceGemini (May 21st-June 21st): It's like this: Everyone eventually has a failed romance. It's acceptable, especially in this day and age. So what if you're current boyfriend is faltering in courtship? He has that human right. Don't try to fight it any longer. Cut the cord and go back to your own stated life. You can't keep living for two, especially when the other person doesn't give a rat's ass about your good mornings or you're enjoyed afternoons. There is no revenge in loss of love. People simply move on and get over it. That's what you need to do, you mopey bitch. Take a step away from the circumstances and understand evolution as a directionless man. Everything was written in the stars well before you got here. So why are you fighting against this feeling so hard? Your film of the week: Quantum of Solace

Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd): You will find yourself between a rock and a hard place this week, Cancer. Yes, you will be locked deep behind a desk, or transferred to an unlikely town. Your only recourse is to enjoy it. Nestle yourself in there deep, and make the most of this unusual situation. So what if you've never dreamt of living in an inner city ghetto? Or next to a Mexican Amusement park? Or by the beachless sea? It might not seem so exciting now, but the world is always looking for someone to take the initiative. Run in there head first, and make a cozy bed for yourself. Show the locals who's boss. You have a winning personality when you're not hidden away in your little crab shell. Its time to come out, pinchers blazing. Otherwise, you'll be miserable. Your film of the week: Big Stan

Cake EatersLeo (July 23rd-August 22nd): Leo, why do you hide your own insecurities in plain site? You love a quirky romance, yet you fleece any fling that might not appease the populace. Embrace your ability to cull odd chicks from the crowd. Take her hand and show her off, even if she does have a dinner plate stretching out her bottom lip. You like to date carnival sideshows in private. Its time to take that bizarre appetite and parade it through the office. Maybe you wouldn't take your hippie-goth one-night love affair to the company picnic. But you should. It won't just open your eyes for a change, it will also open the eyes of those around you. The world is sleeping. Wake them the fuck up! Your film of the week: Cake Eaters

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): Do you often find your loyalties waning? Are you tired of the goodie-goodie life style? Well, be cautious. Things aren't always greener on the other side of the fence. Your anger issues might just get the best of you this week, Virgo. I know you are apt at keeping a smile on your face even through the worst of times. But keeping all of that rage locked inside your ribcage is detrimental to your health. Let it out slowly, like air from a bike tire or a balloon. If you get a grasp on the situation now, you will be better enabled to look at the consequences in the long run. If you keep this shit bottled up, you are going to get shook. And like any decent can of soda, you are going to explode all over your immediate surroundings. Don't keep a lid on the steam. It'll just burn your insides out. Your film of the week: Star Wars: The Clone Wars - A Galaxy Divided

Andy Richter Controls the UniverseLibra (September 23rd-October 23rd): I know you are a one-man woman, Libra. But a little flirting never hurt anybody. This may be your one and only chance this year to test the waters. Maybe there's more awaiting you in this tiny, weird world. I have a feeling that your current relationship is on the ropes. It could go either way, really. What you need is a little push. See if other people interest you. Go for that wild, unruly guy in the corner. Taste something new and see if you like it. You don't have to stick with peanut butter every single day for lunch. I'm not telling you to do anything drastic. Just open your eyes, and find a bit of common ground with someone outside your intimate circle. That's all I'm saying. Your film of the week: Fling

Scorpio (October 24th-November 21): Why do you have to be so controlling? Every week, it's the same thing with you, Scorpio. You're either ordering lunch for everybody, or insisting that you've won the monthly ping-pong championship when you were clearly out of bounds. Not everything is about you, even though you desperately want it to be. The universe only seems to spin around your dizzy head because you have a lax perception of communal energy. You are an important cog in nearly everything you attempt to achieve. This much is true. But so many other people are working in unison to see your goals through to the end. You need to expand your mind and except the help. Acknowledge your fellow man for a change. And stop living with your head up your butt from week to week. Your film of the week: Andy Richter Controls the Universe: The Complete Series [3 Discs]

Snakehead TerrorSagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): This week is all about realizing other people's potential. Just because you think in a different light than your neighbor doesn't exactly mean he's doing it wrong. You are both skilled professionals. Your ideas and values are just slightly different. You leave the seat up, he wipes it down. He puts the lid back on the peanut butter, you leave the jar lying on its side in the kitchen. There is a method to your separated idealistic ways, however maddening they may seem. Realize and understand his viewpoint, and maybe he'll come to understand yours. Together, you guys just might come to rule the universe. Weirder things have happened. It's all about shared technology. Your film of the week: Odd Couple [Paramount Centennial Collection] [2 Discs]

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): Why are you so scared of the unknown? What do you really think is waiting for you out there? A monster? A hyper-intelligent Alien of some sort? You need to stop being such a scaredy pants. Synch up that belt and take a flashlight with you. This week is all about realizing your nightmares and making peace with them. Things simply aren't as terrifing as you hope them to be. Walking around in the dark at night isn't going to get you killed. It's going to get you some fresh air and some much needed peace of mind. Holding onto childish beliefs and myths about the dark will only ruin your impending relationships. Hot chicks don't dig scared dudes. Your film of the week: Snakehead Terror

Follow That BirdAquarius (January 20th-February 18th): Does it ever pay to be a cup half empty kind of girl, Aquarius? Instead of focusing on what you are about to lose, why not focus on what you have? The things still lingering about you are truly the most important elements in this life. Cling to them a little more strongly, and you will get a sense of joy unlike anything you've ever experienced before. It is fruitless to grasp at fleeting dust. If it didn't last very long, it was never supposed to. Take a step back and account for those items that are still within your reach. Utilize them, and make proper use of your day. No one likes to live with someone stuck in the past. We don't all have time machines locked inside our psyche. Your film of the week: Half Empty

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): Its time to stop living for others and follow that dream. Your ideal life is a flitting image that won't stick around much longer. You have it all within your grasp. Right this very second. So go for it! Everything is up to you at this point. Don't let yourself down. You've been hoping and praying for a change. Now its up to you to follow up on the prayer now that its been answered. Dust off those running shoes and hit the pavement. Run as fast as you can until you are out of breathe. When you raise your head to get a glass of water, you should be where you envisioned yourself ages ago. It's as simple as that. It really is, dear! Your film of the week: Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird [25th Anniversary Deluxe Edition]

(Remember, all of these movies can be purchased directly from us using the links provided!)

B. Alan Orange at Movieweb
B. Alan Orange