Welcome to your weekly movie horoscope with Madame Millie Kilakilarney. She will point you in the direction of the films you need to watch this week according to the astrological charts she keeps on her bedroom wall. If it's in the stars or on the silver screen, she knows about it!

Role Models

Aries (March 21st-April 19th): Are you tired of constantly being relegated to the background? Sure you are. It simply isn't in your nature to be a part of the scenery. You need to be the king of the playground lions. You need to be the leader of the black leather pack. You take on challenges out of instinct. Why? Because you know how to get the job done! There are forces in your life that want to refer you to the sidelines. Don't let them. Put a firm foot forward and plant yourself in front of the action. Only you can do what needs to be done. All others can do is stare in awe. Don't ever let yourself get shadowed by someone else's insecurities. They may not make it out of your wake. Your film of the week: Rachel Getting Married [Blu-ray]

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): People truly look up to you, Taurus. You are great at getting the job done. And you have a keen ability to make everything right. Problems are your forte. Isn't it about time that you passed some of this knowledge on to those less fortunate in life? There are a lot of needy hands making their way towards you this month. Reach in and pull someone out from the fire. You have what it takes to make this world a little more special. Don't let the poor and unfortunate souls in need of your expertise fall to the wayside any longer. Do a brother proud, and help out. Your film of the week: Role Models [Unrated/Rated] [Blu-ray]

The Gay Dog

Gemini (May 21st-June 21st): Uh, oh! Who's hiding secrets? Gemini? Is there something you want to tell me? No? Well, then, how about telling someone else? All of these mysteries locked inside your chest are going to come bursting out like a baby Alien sooner or later. Figure out the important details and jot them down on a piece of paper. Sure, it might seem like a bad idea now. But with a little prepared presentation, you should be in the clear. You know you did some bad things. Those actions are bound to come into the light this week. Wouldn't it be better if they all heard it from you? Roll up your sleeves and bite the piss biscuit. Expunge these closeted thoughts and clear your mind. Otherwise, you will suffer from months of stress. Your film of the week: Stash

Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd): Oh, wow, Cancer! I can't believe you'd actually bet against your own best friend. You have a way about you. Its deceptive and deviant, and you are bound to cut ties with those closest to you. Why would you stab your own lover or friend in the back for such a small amount of money? Blasphemous. My advice to you this week, Cancer? Keep your head down. Those spurned are liable to come looking for retribution. You are not going to like what they have in store for your exposed flesh. The damage is already done. You can't reverse that. What you can do is try and make amends. Do you have it in you? Let's hope so. You might just save your own life in the process. No one likes a coward. Your film of the week: The Gay Dog

Let the Right One In

Leo (July 23rd-August 22nd): Tired of looking for love in all the wrong places, Leo? Well, this is your week for strange occurrences and odd coincidences. And each encounter will lead you on a path to that next exciting relationship. We all know you are set in your ways. You need to expose your heart and hear from someone other than the bitch at the bar. Open your eyes and take a really good look at the world around you. There is potential on every street corner. Just because you don't find someone immediately attractive doesn't mean you're not meant to be together. If you free yourself from this quaint idealistic prison, you just might find the storybook romance you've long been dreaming of. Hold out your hand for a few seconds longer. Wait for someone to grab it. You just might be surprised. Your film of the week: Let the Right One In

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): Music certainly makes your life spin around more effortlessly. So sad that you've been too preoccupied with whatever is going on in your daily routine to really listen to it. You must stop this twirling merry-go-round for a moment and turn up the volume on that headset. Get your Ipod loaded up and ready to go. Find some shade and dive in headfirst. There are so many great songs you've yet to hear. Isn't it about time you threw up that stop sign and took a moment out for yourself? There is so much amazing music to experience, and it is all waiting for you. Experience and enjoy the creative work of others. Do it now. Your film of the week: Cadillac Records [Blu-ray]

Happy-Go-Lucky

Libra (September 23rd-October 23rd): You are going to worry yourself to death, Libra. Why? What for? Is it worth it? You can't stop this impending train called destiny. Things are going to happen whether you want them to or not. The future shouldn't make you cringe at every single moment of the day. Bite your lip, forget about the bills that are on their way, and be happy for a change. You owe it to yourself. You really, really do. Your heart will function better. And those close to you will become more open and honest. If you fall into an anxiety spiral now, no one will be there to help you get up. Save yourself, and you will save others. More importantly, please remember to be delighted with life. You owe it to yourself. Your film of the week: Happy-Go-Lucky

Scorpio (October 24th-November 21): Things certainly are getting bizarre. Will you be able to handle this horrible nightmarish life once it spins out of your own control? I didn't think so. This week, you will experience a sequence of strange events. None of them explainable. The best thing for you to do is keep a focused mind and a strong heart. Don't let others take control of the situation. Keep your eye on the prize, and defer the more obnoxious anomalies to the outer edges of your parka. Don't let anything stand in your way of having a good time. Shuffle off quickly when things get out of hand, and don't dwell on a bad situation. It's important to stay calm in times of desperation. This will all come to pass. Try to keep a clean mind, and you should be no worse for wear. Your film of the week: Synecdoche, New York [Blu-ray]

Transporter 3

Sagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): Lucky you. The higher ups at your place of employment are going to confide in you sometime later this week. Will you be able to do what they ask? Well, you better start studying up and take a course in brownnosing. Being polite and cautious will surely raise your rate of pay. Something exciting is going to be asked of you soon. You'll need to complete this task if you are to advance on any level. Things might seem a little touch and go at first, but once you find proper footing, you should be okay. Don't let others in on your plans. There are certain individuals that will try to take over only because they love to see you fail. This is your time to be a winner. Rise to the occasion, and everything should turn out great. Your film of the week: Transporter 3 [Special Edition] [2 Discs] [With Digital Copy]

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): Guess what? Someone told a lie. And that someone was you. But don't fret. We all need to tell a little white fib every now and then. It keeps us young and exciting. Just don't get too used to getting away with it. Telling grand fairy stories to save your own hide is a shameful practice. In the long run, you will dig a very big hole. Loved ones will get hurt, and your job will be paved in jeopardy. You've had your fun. You got off Scott free. Good for you. As it should be. But next time the cold hard truth comes calling, you might want to grab ahold of it and ride it towards a life of longevity. It's the way of the world, really. Lying is bad. Your film of the week: Pinocchio [70th Anniversary] [Platinum Edition] [Blu-ray]

Howard the Duck

Aquarius (January 20th-February 18th): Neighbors can be a nuisance. They don't seem to serve much of a purpose in your life, Aquarius. But maybe that's because you have your head up your buttonhole most of the time. Dismantle the fences you've built around your soul, and let those individuals next door come inside and take a look. You all might be missing out on something grand in this life. Friendships are hard to come by, and the truest ones might just be on the other side of the yard. Who knows, romance could be as close as a stick's throw. It's your duty this week to go outside, walk next-door, and introduce yourself to whoever might be living there. Even if they do make a racket at two in the morning. Heck, maybe you'll be able to join them for a little late night fun. Stranger things have happened. Your film of the week: Girls Next Door: Season 4 [3 Discs]

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): Poor Pisces. Sometimes you don't even feel like you are from this planet. Why does everything always have to be so alien? From the clothes people wear, to the food they eat, its all so archaic. Well, don't throw in the towel just yet. What you need in your life is someone a little more down to earth. Someone that can show you the ordinary in this life, and learn from your own odd behavior. It's been far too long since you went out on a date. Stop turning your nose up at those beautiful women that seem so enamored by you. Give the Goths a rest and jump on the gravy train. You will wake up a better person in the morning. Sure, you are an odd duck. But that doesn't mean plain Jane isn't going to fall head over heels in love with you. In fact, I think she already has. Your film of the week: Howard the Duck [Special Edition]

(Remember, all of these movies can be purchased directly from us using the links provided!)

B. Alan Orange at Movieweb
B. Alan Orange