Welcome to your weekly movie horoscope with Madame Millie Kilakilarney. She will point you in the direction of the DVDs you need to buy this week according to the astrological charts she keeps on her bedroom wall. If it's in the stars or on store shelves, she knows about it!

S. DarkoAries (March 21st-April 19th): Dear Aries, why do you sometimes feel like treating your self as a second-class citizen? You're one of the coolest people you know, yet you go to town on all your shortcomings, trying to hide them. Don't dwell on them in the mirror, late at night, when no one else is around. It's bad for your health. Did you have a big brother that died in a horrible accident? Are you missing something intimate in your life? Do you sometimes wish a giant hole would rip open in the space-time continuum, giving you another chance at high school? Well, stop it with all of these thoughtless wishes. Be who you are and shut up. When you're not being such a bitch, people actually do like you. It seems that you are constantly comparing yourself to something or someone that doesn't really exist. That's just dumb. Your DVD of the week: S. Darko: A Donnie Darko Tale

Taurus (April 20th-May 20th): Uh-uh, Taurus. Think again. You cannot fully immerse yourself in a romance that just isn't going to work. From day one, you've been searching for a significant other with your same likes and dislikes. Yet, you inevitably fall for that dude from the wrong side of the tracks. You're rich, he's poor. You're smart, he's dumb. You're a vampire, he's a werewolf. Its that age old fairytale that keeps you awake at night. It only works in Disney movies. It's never going to work in your mundane little life, Esther. Stop trying to pick up street trash and stick with your own kind. It's the only thing that is going to make you truly happy in this world. Just because you both like doing crossword puzzles doesn't make him a bad pick. Open your eyes, and live a good life. You dunder head. Your DVD of the week: Underworld: Rise of the Lycans [Blu-ray]

PassengersGemini (May 21st-June 21st): Do you sometimes feel misplaced. Like you are living on another plain of reality. Does your actual existence get in the way of your daily rituals? Maybe your spirit has recently been broken. Did you just get out of a bad relationship? Did you just get out of bed? Are you feeling musty in your old age? Why not shake it all off and start again. Hit that reset button. I know it can be hard to forget the past. Especially the way you dwell on things, Gemini. But it would be in your best interest to forgive yourself for any past transgressions, and look ahead to the future. Keep an open mind, and follow the road laid out in front of you. Don't let the weariness of fatigue settle you into a constant state of being. Be true to yourself, and everything else should fall into place. Your DVD of the week: Passengers

Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd): Don't let your lofty spirits sink you down this week, Cancer. There are a lot of great opportunities waiting and willingly to open themselves up to your cause before the day is through. Stay positive, and you will be able to reap many rewards and benefits from your own energetic persuasion. There are many mountains to climb. If you remain focused, you could reach the top of every single one of them before noon on Friday. Don't let other people's negativity get in your way. They are only working to keep you aggravated. Lift up that chin and charge forth. It is a new day, and this is your life. Take a stand. Smile. Your DVD of the week: High Hopes

Kill BuljoLeo (July 23rd-August 22nd): Sometimes, you can be really stupid. Its not that you don't try to remain intelligent and insightful in front of your friends. It's that you want them all to like you so much. Guess what? People aren't ever going to shy away from you. They love you. That's why you have to stop making such idiotic mistakes. Clear your brain, and think every upcoming situation through. Stop relying on charm alone. It is bound to get you into a jam you might never recover from. You don't have to join MENSA or ace the SATs. Just make decent choices in your day-to-day life. Stay out of trouble. And stop trying to befriend that angry Russian mobster next door. Your choice in companionship is the one ruling factor that will keep you from achieving success in your happy-go-lucky life. Your DVD of the week: Kill Buljo [WS]

Virgo (August 23rd-September 22nd): Revenge is a dish best served hot and melted, like a piping pizza pie straight from the oven. You're a funny one, Virgo. At every single turn, you truly believe someone has done you wrong. Is this a brain tweak? Or are you truly being slighted in life? You'll have to make that decision yourself this week, as one obstacle after the next will raise suspicions in a co-worker. Is he up to no good? Is he trying to sabotage your stability in the work place? All signs point to: Yes! You need a plan. Carry it out swift and fast. Once people know you are not to be messed with, the culprit with come out of the shadows. When you discover this harmful entity, its up to you to decide what to do with him. Will you kill him with kindness? Or just kill him? You DVD of the week: Taken

Grudge 3Libra (September 23rd-October 23rd): You're not usually one to carry around a chip on your shoulder, but someone is bound to emotionally cripple you this week. And you are going to hold it against them for a very long time to come. It's best that you don't open yourself up to personal injury on any level. Stay seated, and let the aggressors come to you. Then, and only then, will you be able to defuse the situation. Don't let their lesser worries destroy your one good smile. Keep acquaintances at elbow's length, otherwise you will begin to harbor a black energy deep inside your heart. It will only grow and swell like a sponge. You don't need these negative vibes in your life. When in need, simply say, "Fuck off!" Your DVD of the week: Grudge 3

Scorpio (October 24th-November 21): It's so sad. You've been doing the same old job week in and week out for what seems like three centuries. It is your duty to bust through that fourth wall and seek out something new in your life. You don't necessarily need to find another place of employment. There may be plenty of unforeseen opportunities hiding within your immediate vicinity. You are honor bound to explore the extra, unannounced benefits of your current occupation. Ask for a raise. Seek a promotion. There's no telling what kind of possibilities await your fingertips. Everything is looking up for you. Follow this positive vigor into the field of fun. You deserve a break from the norm. And there are a lot of encouraging forces out there, willing to make that happen. Your DVD of the week: Galaxy Quest [Deluxe Edition]

The BizzSagittarius (November 22nd-December 21st): Sometimes you can't help but feel that people are trying to take advantage of you. This idea will come to dominate the majority of your time at work this week. People want things that you simply can't afford to give them. Your stress level is bound to build up, and it might cause you to implode. There will be a shower of blood and flesh before the end of Friday, and those that brought you to this state of being won't even help clean up the mess. Don't listen to the one's speaking the loudest. They are only out to get you down. You've got it good. Don't succumb to the noise. It will only make you less of a human being. You are not one to be taken advantage of. Your DVD of the week: The Bizz, Vol. 1

Capricorn (December 22nd-January 19th): Look at you, Capricorn. You are always on the forefront of trends. You are always looking to boldly travel where no one else has gone before. You have an adventurous spirit that makes others jealous. Keep heading down this unique road, and you are sure to stumble onto a quatum of richess not of your own making. There is some good fortune awaiting you at the end of this week. Don't succumb to the boredom being expressed by those horrible hypocrites that surround your waking hours. They would rather see you fail than succeed. Ignore them and keep up this casual dance you've been doing with yourself for so long. It will only be fun to watch you succeed in life. Your DVD of the week: Best of Star Trek: The Original Series

Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!: Wubbzy's Big MovieAquarius (January 20th-February 18th): You have a great bullshit meter, and that's a good thing. You're going to need it this week. Some shady people are going to wander out of the past with a proposition. One that might sound good on the outset. But be careful. Gold isn't given away for free in this current economic state. What may look pleasing on paper will only bring you incurable headaches for the foreseeable future. You are smarter than that. Keep an eagle's eye on the goofy banter batted back and forth between seeming strangers. Those bastards are playfully setting you up for monetary failure. Don't give anything to anybody. Trust your instincts, and you should be fine. Don't fail your kids. They need to go to college. Your DVD of the week: Penn & Teller: Bullshit! - The Complete Sixth Season [2 Discs]

Pisces (February 19th-March 20th): The childlike joy expressed by you this week will be infectious. It will cause your co-workers and loved ones to stand up in the toy isle and rejoice. There will be singing and dancing, and everything is going to be super duper. This is your week to shine. Spread the wealth of positive feelings that has suddenly seeped into your heart. Say "hi" to a stranger. Create a concerted effort to make everyone around you feel good. Take the boss out for drinks, and then shtump the wife when you get back home. Your world could be more exciting than Disneyland if you let it be. And I think it's about time you star. You're not going to live for very much longer. Your DVD of the week: Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!: Wubbzy's Big Movie

(Remember, all of these movies can be purchased directly from us using the links provided!)

B. Alan Orange